Finding Love as a Christian: Walking in God’s Way, Not the World’s

Introduction: The Desire for Love

Love is one of the deepest longings within the human heart. From the earliest moments of life, we are drawn to relationships, to belonging, and to being loved in return. God Himself declared in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” From the beginning, companionship was designed into the very fabric of creation. Humanity was made to reflect the relational nature of God, who exists eternally as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

But while the desire for love is universal, the way it is pursued differs greatly between those who follow Christ and those who do not. The world shouts one message, while God whispers another. The world tells us to chase after passion, appearances, wealth, and temporary thrills. God calls us to walk in purity, patience, faith, and covenant. The tension is real, because as Christians we must live in a world filled with counterfeit versions of love while holding on to God’s design for the real thing.

This article seeks to provide a biblical framework for how Christians should pursue love. It will cover what Scripture says about what we should not do, what we should do, and how to hold fast to God’s ways in a culture that contradicts them.

The Biblical Foundation of Love

Love is not a human invention. It is not a cultural trend or an emotional rush. Love originates from God Himself. The apostle John makes this clear: “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:8). God is not merely loving in action, He is love in essence.

When Jesus came to earth, He redefined love not as selfish gain but as sacrificial giving. He said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Real love costs something. It is demonstrated in action, not just in feeling. It is not about what I can get, but about what I can give.

Paul reinforces this in Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Christ’s love was not based on our worthiness but on His mercy. That kind of love must be the foundation of every Christian relationship.

Love, according to Scripture, is not only about romance or marriage. It is about reflecting Christ’s character in all relationships. But when it comes to finding a spouse, this foundation becomes even more important because marriage is not just a social contract. It is a covenant designed to reflect the love between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:25-32).

What We Should Not Do

When seeking love, Christians are called to resist worldly ways that contradict God’s design. Scripture is filled with warnings of what happens when we choose to walk outside His boundaries.

Do not be unequally yoked

Paul gives a direct command in 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

This verse is not a suggestion but a command. To be unequally yoked means to be bound in partnership with someone who does not share your faith in Christ. The imagery comes from farming, where two oxen were yoked together to pull a plow. If one was stronger and the other weaker, or if they pulled in opposite directions, the work could not be accomplished. The same is true in relationships. If one partner serves Christ and the other does not, there will always be conflict in values, priorities, and purpose.

While the world may say love is love, Scripture makes it clear that believers must be joined only to other believers in marriage. Otherwise, the relationship becomes a source of division rather than unity.

Do not follow lust

The world normalizes lust. Movies, television, social media, and advertisements all promote a love that is based on physical attraction and temporary desire. But Scripture warns us against this destructive path.

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Sexual intimacy is a gift from God, but it is designed exclusively for marriage. To take it outside of God’s boundaries is to abuse the gift and invite consequences.

Jesus raised the standard even higher in Matthew 5:28: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Love is not built on lust, and lust is not harmless. It corrupts the heart and clouds judgment.

Do not conform to worldly dating patterns

Modern culture pushes casual dating, hookups, and temporary relationships. It tells us to experiment, to test compatibility through intimacy, and to keep our options open. But God’s Word calls us to a higher standard. Romans 12:2 declares, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Dating is not about entertainment or personal gain. For Christians, it should be about discerning whether the other person is the one God intends for marriage. Anything less is conforming to worldly patterns that cheapen both love and marriage.

Do not make marriage an idol

Marriage is a blessing, but it is not the ultimate goal of life. Only Christ can truly satisfy the deepest longings of the heart. If we place all our hope, identity, and joy in finding a spouse, we make marriage into an idol. Idolatry is when we place anything in the position that belongs only to God.

Paul himself reminds us in 1 Corinthians 7 that singleness can be a gift because it allows a person to serve the Lord without distraction. Marriage is not the highest calling. Faithfulness to Christ is.

What We Should Do

If we know what to avoid, we must also know what to pursue. Scripture not only warns us, but it also guides us on how to walk in God’s way when seeking love.

Seek God first

Jesus said in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Before seeking a relationship, we must seek God. When we pursue Him first, He shapes our hearts, purifies our motives, and prepares us for the right relationship at the right time.

Often, people search for someone else to complete them. But only Christ can complete us. We are not called to find someone who fills the holes in our hearts, but to find someone to join us in pursuing Christ together.

Pray for wisdom and guidance

James 1:5 tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Relationships require discernment. Emotions can cloud judgment, and attraction can mislead. Prayer must be the foundation of every pursuit of love.

Do not only pray for God to bring the right person into your life. Pray for Him to make you into the right person. Ask Him to grow in you the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These are the qualities that sustain a godly relationship.

Pursue holiness

Hebrews 12:14 instructs us: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” Holiness is attractive in God’s eyes. Holiness does not mean perfection, but it means being set apart for God’s purposes.

The more you pursue holiness, the more you reflect Christ. And the more you reflect Christ, the more your relationships will honor Him. Do not lower your standards to fit into the world’s mold. Raise your standard to align with Christ’s.

Wait with patience

Waiting is often the hardest part. Many Christians grow weary in seasons of singleness, wondering if God has forgotten them. But Isaiah 40:31 offers hope: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Singleness is not wasted time. It is a season where you can serve God fully, grow in maturity, and build a deeper relationship with Him. Do not rush into relationships out of fear of being alone. Trust God’s timing. He is never late.

Build on biblical standards

When you do enter into a relationship, build it on biblical principles. Ephesians 5 paints a powerful picture of marriage as a reflection of Christ and the Church. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, sacrificially and unconditionally. Wives are called to respect their husbands. These roles are not oppressive but beautiful, because they reflect God’s design.

Dating should be a time to evaluate whether a person is capable of walking in these roles with you. Look for character, not just chemistry. Seek someone whose faith is evident, whose integrity is consistent, and whose love for Christ is greater than their love for you.

A Higher Calling in Love

Worldly love is self-serving. Godly love is self-giving. The world measures love by temporary passion. God measures love by eternal covenant.

Paul provides the most famous description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This love is not natural. It is supernatural. It comes from God and can only be lived out through the power of the Holy Spirit. As Christians, we are called to reflect this love in all our relationships, but especially in marriage.

Marriage is not simply about happiness, but about holiness. It is designed to sanctify us, to draw us closer to Christ, and to display His love to the world. That is why the pursuit of love must be approached with reverence, prayer, and obedience to God’s Word.

Encouragement for Every Season

For those who are single

Do not despise this season. God has not overlooked you. He is preparing you for what is to come, and He is using this time to shape your character and deepen your faith. Serve Him with joy, pursue your calling, and trust Him with your future. Remember Paul’s words in Philippians 4:11-12: “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

For those who are waiting

Waiting is not easy, but it is worth it. God’s timing is perfect. Use this time to grow in prayer, to build your community of faith, and to prepare yourself for marriage. The Lord delights in those who trust Him enough to wait on His promises.

For those who are married

Do not forget that your marriage is meant to reflect Christ. Love your spouse not only when it is easy, but especially when it is hard. Forgive quickly, serve humbly, and never stop pursuing each other. Make prayer the center of your marriage, and let Scripture be your guide.

Conclusion: The Only Love Worth Pursuing

Finding love as a Christian is not about following worldly scripts. It is about trusting God’s timing and His plan. The pursuit of love is ultimately the pursuit of God Himself, for He is the source of love.

If you are searching, do not lose heart. Continue to seek His face. If you are waiting, do not despair. The Lord is faithful. If you are in a relationship, make Christ the center of it.

The path may look different from what the world celebrates, but it leads to a love that is pure, lasting, and life-giving. A love that reflects Christ and glorifies God. And that is the only love worth pursuing.